17 July 2008

bounded by fourth, bounded by julio


Last Summer, I moved into an apartment on Fourth Avenue with Ben and Vadim. Now according to Wikipedia, Park Slope is "bounded by Fourth Avenue." This begs you to question whether or not is can be considered Park Slope- or is it in fact flirting a little too much with the Gowanus Canal?

After today, I believe it may be the latter. Let's consider the evidence:

Fact: Our Super, Julio, followed suit with his poor grammar and spelling abilities. For example, he would leave signs that would start, "Please be advise..." I'm actually jarred when proper grammar is exhibited in this area. It's feels like a pariah.

Julio called me "Baby," when I was alone. He would awkwardly revert his eyes from me when I was accompanied by a man.

On several occasions, we explained to Julio that the mailman would simply drop the mail for all eight apartments on the floor (rather than sorting and putting in the lock boxes). Julio was to let the mailman in everyday- He acted surprised, a week we overheard him command, "just drop it over there." Thank you, Julio. xo.

Julio appointed pit bull, "Scooby," to reign over the territory. Scooby has the largest balls that I have ever seen on a hound, (Please note: Scooby's boner to the right there).

Julio provided a soundtrack to the building via his gray circa 1980's Oldsmobile with:Puerto Rican flag on the hood and "Bones of My Brothers," painted across the windshield. He'd open the doors, shine his rims and bump bump bump on his installed sound system.

And the big guns: this evening, Vadim went to retrieve his bike from the apartment. Ben and new tenant Corey had been storing it. Upon arrival, Vadim discovered that the seat was missing on the bike. He knocked on the neighbor's door.

"Hey, do you know what happened to the seat on my bike?"

"Julio takes them."

"What?"

"He takes the seats off our bikes and uses them."

"He stole my bike seat?"

"He's down stairs, go knock on his door."

---Julio did not answer his door.

1 comment:

visionblur said...

true story. also julio has his own name tattooed on his arm, claiming it's for his son whom i have never seen