B Café West

I'm still feeling out the Upper West Side restaurants...looking for Chinese laundry and grocery stores. B Cafe West sparked my interest, as I love Belgian Cuisine. Frites et Moules! Endive salads, stilton...I settled in for a late night bite. A pang of savage hunger compelled me to order the West Famous Burger: a thick 90z lump of beef, Chimmay aged cheese, grilled panacea and caper ramoulade on a Brioche roll. Frites are served to the side with: ketchup, mayo and chipotle mayo. I sat in awe. How am I supposed to eat this? I prepared the sandwich with a knife and took a bite.

Not bad. A decent burger. Sadly, I quickly discovered that it was still mooing. I do not send food back, but after another bite a raw ground beef, I just couldn't forge on. I asked the bartender to cook it longer. He was very kind, understanding and helpful. When the burger returned, I have to report that it wasn't much better. This is certainly the catalyst of the fatal error of forming such a massive patty. Regardless, I attempted to consume the most cooked portions, leaving most behind.

The frites were pretty good, a little thicker than I'm used to in Belgian cafes, but well presented and delicious. Here's the kicker: the most obnoxious woman tarnished the experience. Her character alone confused me: a dialect comparable to certain parts of Brooklyn, although she claimed to love Hoboken and to have grown up on the Upper West Side. I assure you, I wasn't being nosy, this woman shared all her nitty gritty details with the entire staff and surrounding patrons. Her speech (repeated several times):

"I love Hoboken. Love it. What should I eat? I have to have a meal you know. I want a salad, you coworker suggested the Cobby one"

"Oh, is good, but is not a meal," corrected the European barkeep. He returned his glance to the map of the Eastern states and continued to label: Maryland, Virginia... "Which is this?


"Delaware," another server offered.

"Is warm?"

The woman raised her voice again, "I'm supposed to be this cute thin girl. Oh I want mussels. But they come with fries. Could I have mashed potatoes? I gained seven pounds eating here. Mashed potatoes have butter and cream. I've gained seven pounds. Oh honey, you're going to make a million bucks here. This place is busy in the Summer. I walk dogs so I should be able to eat these, but I gained seven pounds."

The barkeep nodded, eyes darted around.

She continued, "Mussels. I love mussels. Have you heard about the sex over this pot of mussels? It's very enticing, to play with these mussels. But you can't do it every night."

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When I stepped out, she stopped me. Welcomed me to the neighborhood and gave me her number, "Call me anytime you have any questions or need anything. I know this neighborhood. Shop at Met, it's the cheapest. But there's a deli next door."

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Over sixty beers, eleven on tap. Good Luck.

566 Amsterdam Ave at 88th St.